Today is Monday the 05.02.2024.
In the last few days I got up earlier then usually and felt quite energetic. I even went to the gym on saturday. But today I struggled again and laid, half awake, half asleep, in my bed until 11:30 am. I just couldn’t get up, feeling dazed and not beeing able to really wake up. Just like most of my days in the past 10 years.
After some leftover lasagna for breakfirst or lunch, depending on how you call it when you have your first meal of the day at 12:30 pm, and a somewhat nice cup of coffee, I thought about what to do today.
Initially my idea was to go to the gym, but I still was quite sore from my last workout and didn’t have the mental capacity to not use it as an excuse. This led me to stay at home all day, sitting at the computer, scrolling through Youtube and listen to music. As the hours passed by, my mood got worse and worse. I felt like wasting another valuable day of my life, which made me even more sad.
In the meantime I got really hungry and decided to make some easy and rich but tasty food, knowing that it will boost my mood. Curd with fruits, oat flakes and peanut butter. Yummy!
After my delicious dinner I realized that I neglected my beard for quite a while and decided to trim it to its former glory. A refreshing shower later my mood was settled and most of my bad thoughts were gone. I felt calm and at inner peace, which is rare for me. Still I had to urge to do something meaningfull today.
For a long time I thought about starting an open journal about the struggles of my life and how I refuse to give up. On one hand to ease my mind and order my thoughts, on the other hand to share my experiences with others who are struggling to cope or have relatives who are struggling, too.
Today felt just right to start and now I’m somewhat proud that I finished my first post. Its not a wasted day at all.
See you next time,
Andy
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